Narrative Actualized : Prince Charming Isn’t Coming

By Bridget Pilloud

On December 31st, 2001, at 10:30 pm, I met my life partner at the Portland airport and told him that our 10-year relationship was over. He was coming home from the first Christmas we had spent apart.

Our break-up had been a long time coming, and yet, I was devastated. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Alec. It didn’t turn out that way.

I was 32 and alone.  And I didn’t know what to do.

Honestly, I’d been a relationship of one kind or another since I was 18.  I hadn’t been single before, and at 32, with two kids, it was daunting.

But I tried.  I waited a few months and then I had a date, and it was a disaster.  I found myself saying things that weren’t even me, just to be liked by a stranger. I went on a few more, and each one was a complete, laughable failure.

During this time, I worked out a lot.  I lost 80 lbs.  I read a lot of great books. I figured out what I liked to eat. I painted my bathroom. I spent a lot of time getting to know me. I liked me.  I liked my life. I wanted to share  it with someone.

And then I’d go out and try to find a sweetheart, and it just didn’t work.

One night in August, I cried myself to sleep. I thought that no one would ever love me again.
I remember thinking, “Where the hell is Prince Charming?”  and bawling and bawling and falling asleep exhausted.

I woke up around midnight, and I heard the words, “Prince Charming isn’t Coming” the last snippet from the dream I was having.

I woke up completely, and I started to write in my journal. I wrote this little poem:

Prince Charming isn’t coming

But my open-hearted companion

makes his way to me,

guided by microscopic bits of Fate,

too small to see with a Naked Eye.

(My soul is a magnifying glass!

The signs of love are everywhere!)

My heart is supple from its tenures

In love.

(My soul(!)

Glistening membrane(!)

Thunders the boom roll of

Good Fortune!)

I won love’s lottery.

(No limits! For life!)

Prince Charming isn’t coming

But my open-hearted companion

Makes his way to me.

(He wears a green wristwatch!)

Remember, I was alone when I wrote this. I was alone after a 10-year relationship that made me soul-sick. I had little proof that I was ever going to have a great relationship. In fact, I had 14 years of proof that I was going to have a lifetime of crappy relationships with people who weren’t right for me.

But, at that point, I knew it. I felt it! I knew he was coming!

After I wrote these words down, I felt  peace.  I felt peace because I knew that I didn’t have to try to find him.  I knew that he’d fall from the sky if he had to.  I don’t know how I knew this.

The Power of Narrative Actualization

So here’s where Narrative Actualization comes  in.   Instead of thinking about how I was going to get my new man,  I started spending time thinking about how I’d feel when I was in a relationship, and what my sweetheart would be like.

I thought I’d be at peace. I thought I’d be excited. I thought I’d laugh a lot. I thought I’d get to act like a total nurd without judgment. I’d get to feel real, good love.

I wanted somebody smart. I wanted somebody who was discerning, but not judgmental. I wanted a big guy. I wanted somebody who was good with kids. I wanted somebody who liked to cook, who had a good job, who was generally easy-going. I wanted somebody who would celebrate my unique nature.

I didn’t care where he came from. I didn’t care about the time frame.  I figured I’d just have a good time until he got here.

I went out on a few dates. I went to the movies.  I flirted. I didn’t get to a third date with anybody because we mutually could tell that we weren’t a fit. Each time, it was easy. Each time, there were no hard feelings.  It was fun.

And then, on Dec. 17th, 2002, I walked into the Black Cat Tavern and met Brian.  We talked about our lives, and I thought, “Oh, you’ll be fun, but you can’t handle my life.”  I thought he was cute, almost too cute.

He thought it was funny when I nearly skunked him at shuffleboard. He didn’t get too competitive and he didn’t let me win. He came to play.

I didn’t even kiss him good night. But I liked him.

And then we took our dogs hiking together, and we had a great meal, and a fire in my fireplace.  And then things got quiet, and then I kissed him, because he’s a mechanical engineer, and there was no way he was making the first move.

That was nearly 7 years ago.

It turns out, Brian is exactly who I asked for.  And when I stopped worrying about the how, and just dreamed about the what, (and kept enjoying and improving my life in the process), he showed up.

We’ve had our ups and downs.  Our lives aren’t perfect, of course not.

But, 7 years into it, I’m not bored. I wake up with Brian’s arms around me. He calls me his Sugar-Pie.  He teases me. We laugh a lot.

I never doubt that I am loved.  And I never had to make myself less than what I am to make that happen.

That’s the power of Narrative Actualization.  I made my story the way I want it.  And now I share it with my best friend.

Narrative Actualization is something that anybody can do. You can bring the right person into your life, the right job, the perfect place to live.  You can write your story.