Narrative Actualization » Writing Magic

Putting the Pixels Together

melissalion — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:22:00 +0000

I mentioned my mentor before. She’s the one who said that saying no is the most beneficial thing you can do for your professional life. She also told me that as I take each new job, I’m adding pixels to the big picture of my career and one day, I’ll pull up and see the pixels for what they are — the thing I’m supposed to be doing with my life.

I’ve been a bartender, publicist for a circus, a published novelist, a bookseller, a college professor, a reading teacher, a blogger, book reviewer, event coordinator, teacher, barista, I even worked in a deli for one day. My favorite job was bookseller. Oh how I loved being around books and meeting people who loved books and sharing books with others. It was really wonderful.

At one point in my life, I’d have a job and think THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. Suffocation and panic ensued. I’d usually quit right about then.

And then I started seeing the skills I was learning were just pixels. They were just adding to the bigger picture.

In the past putting together a resume would be a daunting task. I’d feel small and inexperienced. This time, I saw all the pixels come together and realized I had a skill set unlike anyone else.

In my first interview, the woman looked at my resume and said, “You’re a triple threat. Very unique.” They called with a job before I was even home from the interview.

Pixels are simply details. They make up the bigger story. What details are you adding to your story? Which ones could be edited out?

Just Say No

melissalion — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:16:49 +0000

I have a writing mentor. She’s a dear friend of mine and the most successful writer I know. She’s written for all of the major newspapers, a gigantic blog, books, taught classes, etc. And when I decided to be a writer full time, she told me not only to do it, but how precisely to go about it.

I do what she says and watch her closely. I imitate the things she does.

One day she told me she said no to a huge newspaper. Just like that. They offered her an assignment and she said no.

They offered her another assignment and she said no.

And again and again and again.

I was pretty astonished. She told me that saying no is the best thing you can do for your career. I didn’t believe her. As an up-and-coming writer, I thought I should say yes and yes and yes. So I said yes to assignments that were painful to write, to editors who actually changed facts in my stories to make it better. I said yes to things I’m embarrassed to link to and things that felt like my soul was being sucked out of my nose.

I said yes to free work and work that promised payment and never came through.

Gradually, I transition out of being a full-time freelance writer and into an instructor and consultant. I didn’t pitch as much to editors and instead worked with companies. Still saying yes to everything.

As that transition happened, I became a single mom and money became tight. I thought I had to say yes to everything. If I didn’t, I’d be screwed financially. And my ego would be bruised because I wasn’t as busy as everyone else claimed to be.

Believe me, I live in Portland. People here love to talk about how busy they are. I think people here might be telling fibs about how busy they always are, but that’s neither here nor there.

Recently a new work opportunity presented itself and I was fully qualified to do the work. It was work I’d done for years. But I looked at my work story. The one about my work now that I revised into the story about the work I want to be doing. I looked and it didn’t match. Yes, I’d done the work before. Yes it would be easy money. But it wasn’t right.

So I said no.

I was honest. I said I wasn’t the right person to do it, though on paper, I was.

It was scary saying no like that, but I did it.

And about thirty seconds later an email arrived asking for an estimate on work I really want to be doing. I gave the estimate and just like that I got an assignment for the same amount of money but doing the work I want to be doing.

My friend and mentor said, “One of the most powerful things is saying no when the work is wrong. The universe loves this and sends you a big wet kiss.”

So say no to something today that isn’t right. Something that’s not part of the story you want to have. My mentor also says, “The universe abhors a vacuum.” What will arrive in its place?

Begin at the Middle

melissalion — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:47:50 +0000

Begin at the beginning. But don’t. Begin at the middle.

See that blank page or screen? It just gets even blanker, or emptier as you stare at it wondering where to begin your story. Is it 10 years ago? 20?

My favorite book, Behind the Scenes at the Museum, starts at the narrator’s conception. But that seems a little far back, right? (You can click that picture and buy the book too. God bless the internet.)

Story starts when something is different, when something changes.

For me, story starts at a stolen rosemary plant.

Forgive me while I get a little meta here.

I was giving a talk on narrative and social media. I used an example of the beginning of a story — a tweet by a man I followed on Twitter. He wrote that he woke up that morning and his rosemary plant, which had been in the ground, was now gone. I said to the group that the stolen rosemary plant was the start of the story. It was a small thing that was different that day.

At the end of the discussion, a man introduced himself and took credit for the tweet. We chatted for a minute, then went our separate ways.

A week later he DM’d me and told me I was “charming” and if I ever needed printing to look him up.

A month later I asked for free printing.

A year and a half later we’re a couple.

Yes, I was born. Yes, I had some bad relationships. I was on Friendster by not MySpace. I joined Twitter in 2007. I moved to Portland from Malibu. I enjoy rosemary with my potatoes. All of these details are part of the story. Most aren’t important. All of them happened before I had my first brush with my handsome boyfriend, but the story starts with the stolen rosemary plant.

What’s different in your life today?

What story is starting?

Work It Out

melissalion — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:50:44 +0000

Like all muscles, our writing muscles must be flexed often. A former teacher of mine said we must prime the pump. So choose your metaphor. I like the muscle one — they are called writing exercises, are they not?

If you want to get fit, keep your writing lean and mean, you need to work out. That means writing every day. Every single day, putting pen to paper. Sure, you’re allowed to take breaks, but try it for a week. Try writing every day.

Start a blog, keep a journal, write on a napkin, but do it every day.

When you start writing every day, writing becomes less precious. Your darlings are no longer darlings and can be easily killed.

You have a better chance at writing good stuff.

You start to hear your writing.

Your voice has a chance to percolate.

And you’re practicing. We all know practice makes perfect. In the case of writing, practice makes better. It’ll never be perfect, but it can be better.

So grab your bottle of water and a sweatband. Sit down and write every day. Even if it’s for a week, you’ll find your writing will improve. And, as a bonus, you’ll have all that new content to play with. And yes, you’ll be sore, but you’ll also have big, lovely writing muscles.

Asking For Help

melissalion — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:23:40 +0000

I keep harping on editing, don’t I? Here’s another post about the value of another set of eyes on your work.

Another set of eyes is another chance for help.

I suffered from a tremendous bout of postpartum depression when my son was born. I was living in San Francisco in a beautiful apartment building and every single one of my windows looked out at the Pacific Ocean. It was wonderful, peaceful, quiet.

And yet, when I became a mother, I couldn’t engage with the world. I couldn’t engage with my son. It was like I was living under glass.

My downstairs neighbor who was a friendly neighbor-sort, but not a friend, saw me in the lobby and said, “If you ever need a break, we’ll help out. Even if you just need ten minutes, bring him down and we’ll watch him for as long as you want.”

He and his wife had no children. They barely knew me. But he had a sense that I needed help.

I never once took him up on that offer. It never even crossed my mind as I stared out those windows at the Pacific feeling absolutely nothing but indifference. I never even had a sitter for the first two years of my son’s life. I couldn’t accept that help.

Not accepting help didn’t help the people who offered. It didn’t help me. It was just silliness on my part. Oddly, as soon as I started asking for help, the depression lifted.

Asking someone to read your story and offer feedback is an opportunity for help with your writing, and help changing your story.

I still feel weird when people watch my son for me. I get this little ache in my stomach, but I realize too that people want to help. They wouldn’t offer if they didn’t actually want to help. So I take them up on their offers and I deal with the ache.

Help is here. Another set of eyes is willing to take a look, be creative, kind and challenging all at once. Take advantage!

Dealing with the Doubts, Pt. 2

bridget_pilloud — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:43:40 +0000

Melissa wrote about Dealing with the Doubts in writing. I’m here to write about Dealing with the Doubts in life.

Doubt keeps us safe. Doubt keeps us safe in our little boxes. With a little box to stay in, we are safe. We may be bored, or poor in spirit, but you know, this body doesn’t run the risk of being eaten by saber tooths or accidently eating a plant that kills us, or getting a melanoma.

We won’t get our hearts broke. We may not feel our hearts soar, but at least they won’t be broke.

The Greatest Doubters

The greatest doubters are those who have been hurt by not doubting before. Or those raised by those who have been hurt by not doubting before.

Another great category of doubters-> Norwegian-Americans. I know, because I come from a long line of people who say, “Careful what you wish for.”

The Safety Check

Doubt is simply a safety check, and in its own way, not a bad thing, unless you never move past it.

So when you feel doubt (as I do, as we all do), it’s not the end of the world. it is something to consider. It is something to look at, and then it is something to move past.

And as Melissa said, sharing your doubt is a great idea, because caring people can help you put that doubt in perspective. They can map it in the “Grand Scheme of Things”.

Dealing With the Doubts

melissalion — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:43:18 +0000

The emotional process of writing sounds a little something like this:

Ohhhh this is a good idea.

A really, really good idea.

The thoughts are flowing!

The words are flowing!

OH MY GOD, I AM BRILLIANT!!!

….

huh.

….

I am nothing.

This is horrible.

I hate this.

WHY DIDN’T I BECOME A DOCTOR?!?!

I would like to tell you that there’s some way to silent the latter part of that inner dialog, but I’ve not found it. I try and tell myself that the former is what gets me through. Those feelings of sheer brilliance and creativity. But the truth is, what gets me through is knowing that there are writers in this world, and editors.

I am a writer, mostly, but after years of teaching writing to college freshman I’ve become a decent editor. Of other people’s work. Certainly not my own. My writing, without the talented eyes of another person is choppy and awkward. I often miss the main point. I stray from what I mean. Editors keep me focused. They make it better.

Knowing someone else will look at my work helps quiet those doubts. I can tell myself that I might be a horrible no-talent hack, but there’s someone out there who has a little perspective, is far less emotionally involved and can simply cut what needs to be cut.

That person is my writing safety-net.

We hear all the time that writing is a solitary activity. But it can’t be. We need other eyes on our work. It eases the angst and creates writing that rich, full and typo-free. We hope.

Clicking your heels together and other lies

bridget_pilloud — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:54:14 +0000

There’s no place like home.
Click-Click.

Remember, when Dorothy experienced that. It was in her all along. She didn’t have to go through all that work.

OZ never gave nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn’t, didn’t already have?

Why wasn’t there a sign at the beginning of her journey? Why did she have to go on that long road?

The story would have been really short if she had actually clicked those heels together.

I think it’s a lie.

And so is the lie of Visualization. The lie of “Just Imagine it and it will come true.”

Kathleen asked-

“So this (narrative actualization) is the old “visualize yourself with what you want” deal? Because that never works for me.”

No. It’s not that. Because if that worked, I’d be driving a 1980’s mazarati and smooching Brad Pitt. I’ve been there in my head. It’s felt very real.

But that’s not real. Visualization is not real.

Imagination is the first step. Many people stop there, thinking that’s all there is to it. And then they’re disappointed when things don’t work out.

Actualization is really a 3-step process.
1. Understanding where you are now.
2. Understanding where you want to be.
3. Removing the feelings and beliefs that are stopping that from happening.

When you are really ready, when you are not stopping yourself, things align. There is an energetic, woo-woo aspect to this.

Now, having said that, it takes effort to get there sometimes. We stand in our own way a lot, by not getting clear on what we want, and not coming to peace with what’s bothering us about our current life (and also, not feeling gratitude for what’s happening in our current life).

We also stand in our way by not exploring our latent fears about the new story. Writing it out enables us to identify what we’re feeling when we’re really visualizing the new story.

Sometimes those feelings are fear and dread. The new life can be overwhelming. As long as the fear and dread is there, the new story can’t be enacted. Even if we want it a lot. Because we haven’t clarified how we can have the new life in a way that is relatively comfortable for us.

So, it’s the clarification of our story that brings us the inspired thoughts that help us enact our story.

It’s not, “I’m going to imagine myself in a large, suede bean bag with Brad Pitt and a bowl of popcorn, and he’s telling me how sexy he finds zaftig women.”

It’s, “I’m going to become very clear on what I want for my life, and then when I’m comfortable with the idea of the new parts, I’m going to work with this universe to enact it.”

I hope this makes sense?

I think we’re getting closer.

A sample quick story/story

bridget_pilloud — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:42:25 +0000

This is what we mean by Narrative Actualization

Current Story-
Setting- World Cup Coffee Shop
Plot- One hour between meetings
Dialogue- Internal

My last copywriting client is a really nice person. His work is good work. The company is a great company.
But, my heart isn’t in copywriting any more. It’s copy-writhing! It just feels painful to put one word in front of another! It’s like painting a wall the same color white over and over again.

Also, I feel like I’m not giving the best service to my client anymore.

The money is nice. I am attracting decent clients. Good People. It’s just not as many people attracting to the work that I love to do: the work that really helps people.
_________________________________________________________________________

New Story
Setting- World Cup Coffee House
Plot- New list of clients
Dialogue- Internal

It feels good to have a nice list of intuitive clients. I’m helping people live in engaged and brilliant ways. People are changing and I’m making a real living doing my intuitive work. I’m getting compensated for providing work that I love doing. It’s not always easy, but it is nearly always good. I’m bringing my full heart to it. MY FULL HEART.

And the money is flowing in. Beautifully.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Reflection
I feel a little fear in my heart as I think about giving my full heart to intuitive work.

What if I am overwhelmed?

What if I burn out?

I need to feel the feeling of things happening in good time, things happening in an orderly way, me having the ability to control the flow in my life. Ah, That’s better!

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Post-Script
While I was writing this story, in the time it took me to write it, I had two clients sign up and pay for my intuitive services. Things move so fast!

Talking Out your Story

bridget_pilloud — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:25:48 +0000

Some people get the pen and the paper and then they get stuck. Completely stuck.

Does this happen to you?

It happens to me sometimes. The paper is white, and clean and daunting, and if I put something down, it’s there for eternity!

These are the times when I talk out my story. If you live alone, cool, talk it out in your house. But if you have housemates, or spouses or kids, one of the best places to talk out your story is in your car.

Go for a drive. Put your notebook in your passenger’s seat. Drive out in the country and just start talking.

Tell your story now. Tell your future story. Add the details that make it shine for you. Then, stop at a park or a gas station and write it down. Write down the words once you’ve heard them from your mouth and they’ve resonated with your heart.

This can break the block, and hey, great drive in the country, too.

This also works on your bicycle, if you can get over being self-conscious.