With Narrative Actualization, you take the reins in your life.

We teach a 3-step process:

1) Writing your story as it is now.

A story relies on narrative elements (setting, point of view, character, dialog, plot) to create a realistic, truthful atmosphere.  Focusing on five smaller elements is far less intimidating than trying to capture the whole story.

By mindfully crafting the five elements of narrative, a complete story emerges.

We help you reflect on each element of your story, looking at your setting, how you view yourself in your story, the characters that populate your life, the conversations you have, and the various aspects that make up your plot.

2) Rewriting your story the way you want it to be.

Then you re-vision your story. Re-visioning is looking at the story with new eyes and removing details that aren’t part of the story you’d like to tell. It’s replacing those details with healthy, vibrant parts that capture the life you want to live.

Re-visioning is intimidating, but taking it element-by-element, detail-by-detail eases the experience and makes a compelling, true story.  When you re-vision in a safe environment with understanding people, you create lasting change in your life.

3) Moving into your new story.

We like to use the analogy of the river.  Your story is a river. You can’t control everything that goes into your river, but you can be your river’s steward.

This is true with your story. You can’t control who your parents were. You can’t control your DNA. Everything else is fair game.

Once you’ve identified your new story, it’s time to start moving into it. Some of this movement is tangible. Some of it is intangible.

Narrative actualization uses tools to help you move into  your story. These include Feeling your Way,  Inspired Thought,  Tracking Progress and Reassessing.

Narrative actualization is a simple, powerful approach to changing your life. You have the ability already, the Center for Narrative Actualization teaches you how to make lasting change in a comfortable, creative way.

Remember, you don’t get to the final edit until you leave this Earth. So make the most of your story today!

On December 31st, 2001, at 10:30 pm, I met my life partner at the Portland airport and told ]]> By Bridget Pilloud

On December 31st, 2001, at 10:30 pm, I met my life partner at the Portland airport and told him that our 10-year relationship was over. He was coming home from the first Christmas we had spent apart.

Our break-up had been a long time coming, and yet, I was devastated. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Alec. It didn’t turn out that way.

I was 32 and alone.  And I didn’t know what to do.

Honestly, I’d been a relationship of one kind or another since I was 18.  I hadn’t been single before, and at 32, with two kids, it was daunting.

But I tried.  I waited a few months and then I had a date, and it was a disaster.  I found myself saying things that weren’t even me, just to be liked by a stranger. I went on a few more, and each one was a complete, laughable failure.

During this time, I worked out a lot.  I lost 80 lbs.  I read a lot of great books. I figured out what I liked to eat. I painted my bathroom. I spent a lot of time getting to know me. I liked me.  I liked my life. I wanted to share  it with someone.

And then I’d go out and try to find a sweetheart, and it just didn’t work.

One night in August, I cried myself to sleep. I thought that no one would ever love me again.
I remember thinking, “Where the hell is Prince Charming?”  and bawling and bawling and falling asleep exhausted.

I woke up around midnight, and I heard the words, “Prince Charming isn’t Coming” the last snippet from the dream I was having.

I woke up completely, and I started to write in my journal. I wrote this little poem:

Prince Charming isn’t coming

But my open-hearted companion

makes his way to me,

guided by microscopic bits of Fate,

too small to see with a Naked Eye.

(My soul is a magnifying glass!

The signs of love are everywhere!)

My heart is supple from its tenures

In love.

(My soul(!)

Glistening membrane(!)

Thunders the boom roll of

Good Fortune!)

I won love’s lottery.

(No limits! For life!)

Prince Charming isn’t coming

But my open-hearted companion

Makes his way to me.

(He wears a green wristwatch!)

Remember, I was alone when I wrote this. I was alone after a 10-year relationship that made me soul-sick. I had little proof that I was ever going to have a great relationship. In fact, I had 14 years of proof that I was going to have a lifetime of crappy relationships with people who weren’t right for me.

But, at that point, I knew it. I felt it! I knew he was coming!

After I wrote these words down, I felt  peace.  I felt peace because I knew that I didn’t have to try to find him.  I knew that he’d fall from the sky if he had to.  I don’t know how I knew this.

The Power of Narrative Actualization

So here’s where Narrative Actualization comes  in.   Instead of thinking about how I was going to get my new man,  I started spending time thinking about how I’d feel when I was in a relationship, and what my sweetheart would be like.

I thought I’d be at peace. I thought I’d be excited. I thought I’d laugh a lot. I thought I’d get to act like a total nurd without judgment. I’d get to feel real, good love.

I wanted somebody smart. I wanted somebody who was discerning, but not judgmental. I wanted a big guy. I wanted somebody who was good with kids. I wanted somebody who liked to cook, who had a good job, who was generally easy-going. I wanted somebody who would celebrate my unique nature.

I didn’t care where he came from. I didn’t care about the time frame.  I figured I’d just have a good time until he got here.

I went out on a few dates. I went to the movies.  I flirted. I didn’t get to a third date with anybody because we mutually could tell that we weren’t a fit. Each time, it was easy. Each time, there were no hard feelings.  It was fun.

And then, on Dec. 17th, 2002, I walked into the Black Cat Tavern and met Brian.  We talked about our lives, and I thought, “Oh, you’ll be fun, but you can’t handle my life.”  I thought he was cute, almost too cute.

Brian, December 2006

He thought it was funny when I nearly skunked him at shuffleboard. He didn’t get too competitive and he didn’t let me win. He came to play.

I didn’t even kiss him good night. But I liked him.

And then we took our dogs hiking together, and we had a great meal, and a fire in my fireplace.  And then things got quiet, and then I kissed him, because he’s a mechanical engineer, and there was no way he was making the first move.

That was nearly 7 years ago.

Bridget and Brian, 2004

It turns out, Brian is exactly who I asked for.  And when I stopped worrying about the how, and just dreamed about the what, (and kept enjoying and improving my life in the process), he showed up.

We’ve had our ups and downs.  Our lives aren’t perfect, of course not.

But, 7 years into it, I’m not bored. I wake up with Brian’s arms around me. He calls me his Sugar-Pie.  He teases me. We laugh a lot.

Bridget and Brian, August, 2009

I never doubt that I am loved.  And I never had to make myself less than what I am to make that happen.

That’s the power of Narrative Actualization.  I made my story the way I want it.  And now I share it with my best friend.

Narrative Actualization is something that anybody can do. You can bring the right person into your life, the right job, the perfect place to live.  You can write your story.

I love this question because I don’t have an answer to it.

Because if I had the answer, ]]> I love this question…

I love this question because I don’t have an answer to it.

Because if I had the answer, the final answer,  I wouldn’t be here.  I’d be taking a dirt nap.

You’re here to create your life, and you don’t stop answering this question until you leave.

And although there are a few guidelines, there are no right answers.

Writing your life’s new story is a challenge because you have to pick,

It’s also wonderful because you can decide, in the abstract what you want before trying it in the concrete.  You can ponder what it will feel like to have a big bank account (or a little one),  to have a lot of time on your hands (or to be very busy),  to have children (to be child-free), or to trade  it all for a sailboat.

You can contemplate and create your world and once it feels right, you can act with the faith that you’re making the right decision for yourself.

Because there are no wrong decisions.

Our job, at the Center for Narrative Actualization, is to help you feel  courageous and creative, and to help you find your story.